Why can't my pet tank at all

I'm leveling a hunter for the first time and I always heard bm is the best spec so I went BM, and I'm using a monkey pet from deadmines (which seems to be bugged and cant use spirit bond or mobility) and it can't hold aggro on me at all unless I pop intimidation and even then its only good for a few seconds of threat before I outdo it.

My gear is not good, I have no heirlooms, growl is on... what is going wrong ? Is it the pet? my spec? Or is this the norm ?

Also on an unrelated note is arcane shot or kill command better DPS?
A crab or something with a similar talent tree works fine. Mine was in BWL and could hold all the adds just fine while tanking the boss at the same time. Sadly i died due to explosions XD. But its health didn't degenerate so fast and when i used mend pet on it its health goes back to full in no time. Its going to take awhile to get the fullness out of ur tanking pet due to how many points u need for ur pet to truly be effective. Also thats a Cunning pet. U want a Tenacity pet for tanking mobs really especially higher lvls than u.
One thing you can do is slow down on the dps xD. If you get the threat, concussive to slow down the movement speed, go all out, and feign death. Or use Intimidation/Kill Command.

What you can simply do, is apply serpent sting, and just shoot away. (Don't spam focus.) Use that on Kill Command instead, and whenever you do, fire off an Arcane shot. Etc. Play around with it. But I had no problems with my ferocity pet holding aggro in my teens.
Bears are fantastic.
A monkey isn't going to produce the most threat.
Use this site and pick out a nice tenacity pet:
http://wow-petopia.com/

You could quest with a monkey just fine, but you should let your pet get in a hit or two before you shoot. This can make leveling a bit slower.
Once you get misdirection life will be much easier. Make sure you glyph for it.
reguardless hunter pets at that level wont hold complete agro. you need to be hitting kill command as often as possible

Get a bear.

Or a turtle.
I believe that if you spam Arcane Shot all the time, your pet will never be able to hold aggro anyway, even if you are a BM.

When I want my pet to hold aggro (such as against elites), I only spend my focus on Kill Command instead of Arcane Shot, and that works just fine (and I'm MM, so this can only get easier as BM).

I believe that if you spam Arcane Shot all the time, your pet will never be able to hold aggro anyway, even if you are a BM.

When I want my pet to hold aggro (such as against elites), I only spend my focus on Kill Command instead of Arcane Shot, and that works just fine (and I'm MM, so this can only get easier as BM).

Pretty much this arcane shot will draw them right to you if you use it to often or dont let your pet get a few hits in. Just send your pet in and us KC soon as it is in range and you should be fine.
Considering all the changes--and assuming you are like me and want to go balls to the wall at all times--a tenacity pet is your best option. Before 4.0 my ferocity pets never lost aggro. Now I have to hold back if I don't want to pull aggro. That's no fun I say! Get a bear or something of that nature and you will no longer have a problem.
Did you make sure to turn OFF Cower?

Did you make sure to turn OFF Cower?

Irrelevant.
Cower no longer causes threat dropping: It's been changed into a defensive cooldown, and has been that way for a while.
There are reports that the monkeys from Deadmines are bugged and don't auto-attack, so you're losing out on a ton of threat right there.
I run with all sorts of pets and never pull aggro off them. The key to them keeping aggro is using kill command - a BM hunter's MAIN SHOT, like Explosive and Chimera are for Surv and Marks - every time it's off cooldown.

Your threat problems will rapidly fade.
I have a problem with my Cunning pets tanking since 4.0.1. I used to be able to tank all but elites with Cunning before that. Now I have to use a Tenacity pet if I want it to take any threat off of me (though, it's a pretty sweet Warp Stalker, so that's a plus).

Cunning was always supposed to be middle-of-the-road. Not the best, but not the worst. Now, it doesn't seem like they have any ideal use outside of PvP, and even then it doesn't matter that much what you use.